52.

I should be careful what I wish for.

What you are doing isn't nice,
it's not okay.

Hollow, hollow chest.
Faze over, most surely.

51.

You lied to me today.

50.

Something changed fast,
because how I feel isn't how I felt
but I at least thought I'd look
different afterwards.

I don't look any different.

I also forgot you weren't here,
then remembered,
then felt guilty for not feeling sad for a moment.
Funny.

It hurt. A lot. More than I
expected, and I desperately wanted a cigarette
afterwards, but for a reason unlike
normal.

I feel like a child,
but I'm supposed to feel like I
grew up over night. But I don't, so
am I broken?

Possibly, because I can't keep a straight
opinion of any one, or anything right now.
I kind of thought you were a saint.
But you're really not. Just a person.

Different you's, of course. Because
people are running in and out of my life
so fucking fast. I'm afraid to blink.

Funny, I thought I'd be more sad
when my mind changed. I knew it would,
inevitable. You can't feel the same for
so very long. But I'm indifferent,
which is better, because things can go back to
normal.

Or, normal-like anyways.
Things never really go back to the way they were.

49,

a lot of waiting for something, someone
that nothing solid or constant can come from.
too early to correct, or think,
all I know is, nothing is better than this,
which means it's done. the highlighter
is out of that bright yellow colour.

it's my duty to inform you that
I love you, but I shouldn't, but I
do, but I really really really shouldn't
and unrequited? No peanut butter for me then.

too much changing, too much too fast,
and I almost crave barge time, because
at least that is time when I know
I'm doing some work, leaving you alone

I don't want to wait around for the one
person I crave comfort from. I don't want
you to be the person that I for, only
to find you didn't need me at all to make you
happy, or complete.

I'm tired of not knowing.
This is supposed to be fun. Happy

This isn't going to end well, is it?

48.

I have never needed someone more
in my entire existence
then right in this
moment. Now.

47.

home, but it doesn't really feel like
home, but it doesn't really look like
home, but it doesn't really smell like
home, but it doesn't really taste like
home.

46.

Nothing gold can stay.