50.

Something changed fast,
because how I feel isn't how I felt
but I at least thought I'd look
different afterwards.

I don't look any different.

I also forgot you weren't here,
then remembered,
then felt guilty for not feeling sad for a moment.
Funny.

It hurt. A lot. More than I
expected, and I desperately wanted a cigarette
afterwards, but for a reason unlike
normal.

I feel like a child,
but I'm supposed to feel like I
grew up over night. But I don't, so
am I broken?

Possibly, because I can't keep a straight
opinion of any one, or anything right now.
I kind of thought you were a saint.
But you're really not. Just a person.

Different you's, of course. Because
people are running in and out of my life
so fucking fast. I'm afraid to blink.

Funny, I thought I'd be more sad
when my mind changed. I knew it would,
inevitable. You can't feel the same for
so very long. But I'm indifferent,
which is better, because things can go back to
normal.

Or, normal-like anyways.
Things never really go back to the way they were.