39.

Depersonalization disorder...
Fabulous, because what I really need right now is
Another disorder to work on in therapy!

I shouldn't be complaining. There is worse shit.
And this one makes so much sense,
It's almost surreal. But these disorders keep showing up
And I'm not sure I'm underneath them anymore.

Honestly? I just need a damn hug.

38.

I hate being the faze people go through
when they don't have anyone else,
because it feels fucking shitty when you realize you
are, in fact, the faze.

I'm too selfish to be okay with the fact that you
don't think I'm special.

Not that I deserve to be. But,
there is a reason why I don't talk to people-
I get attached, and as it turns out, I'm
not so great when you actually get to know
me.

I wouldn't like me either.
Please, please, please,
get rid of me completely now.

37.

I think about you more than I
should.

Not a lot. Not every moment.
Just more than I should.

Stop it!

36.

You should feel an inkling of
Concern, when you swallow five gravol
And seven tylonol

You are not human anymore.
You should not be going to sleep every night
Hoping you won't wake up.

You should want to wake up.
There should be something to keep you here.

So, why isn't there?

You are not human anymore.

35.

there is nothing worse than not really exsisting to somebody
because when you look at yourself
you start looking a bit blurry.

you have no idea how spectacular you are
and how useless and young and pathetic you make me feel.

not that it's your fault. you are way too fucking nice to
make me really disappear for real
but next time,
can you lie to me, and maybe say something

like, "You are normal. You are human. You are perfect
even with your flaws. You drive me a bit insane,
because you are young and foolish. but you are not invisible to me,

not even a little bit."

I'd really like that, if you could lie to me. I hate your honesty.