27,

i miss life.

so

fucking

much.

26.

can i drink away my feelings?

is that okay?

is drinking better than cutting?

better than not eating?

whatever.

25.

you are blind.

because the moment you stop seeing what is

right in front of you

is the moment you lose

everything that meant anything to you.

i need, for just one day, someone

to tell me i am not crazy.

i need, for just one day, someone

to tell me they love me.

that i'm not just anyone. that i'm someone.

to be someone, would be an awfully big adventure.

i just don't think i'll ever get over you.

how can i? your someone, not just anyone,

even if i'm just anyone to you.

even if i'm crazy.

even if you don't love me.

even if i'm just anyone, not someone.

24.

somewhere in the midst of all my chaos

i lost my future.

and now, i'm not so sure i know what to do anymore.

life just needs to stop sometimes.

i just need it to stop.

just for a few seconds.

23.

"Why can't I just talk to God?
What would I say?
God, I miss home.
I miss it now.

I miss my house.
I miss my home.
I miss my grade six love.
I miss my health.
I miss my home.
I miss my grade six love.

I miss the way that my mom smelled.
I miss the way that she could cure any common cold you held.
I would watch movies with my Dad before I knew his secret heart to know the loves that he has had.
When I caught frogs in watered ponds.
I woke to sound and not to noise as my neighbours worshipped God.
I miss my house.
I miss my home.
I miss the heart that I had. "

22.

why is it

that no matter what i do

i can't stop how i feel.

what if i never fall out of love with you?

four years is too long.

but, i guess

somethings never change.

21.

it's the first night in my

new home.

it doesn't feel like home, because the walls are bare

and it doesn't smell like

incense and coffee grounds.

i miss daddy more than

i miss my sanity.

because i don't need sanity,

but without him, the chances of me

getting better are

slim.

(slim? i wish, right?)

the only thing that resembles my life

is my new closet;

organized chaos

and i love it.