49,

a lot of waiting for something, someone
that nothing solid or constant can come from.
too early to correct, or think,
all I know is, nothing is better than this,
which means it's done. the highlighter
is out of that bright yellow colour.

it's my duty to inform you that
I love you, but I shouldn't, but I
do, but I really really really shouldn't
and unrequited? No peanut butter for me then.

too much changing, too much too fast,
and I almost crave barge time, because
at least that is time when I know
I'm doing some work, leaving you alone

I don't want to wait around for the one
person I crave comfort from. I don't want
you to be the person that I for, only
to find you didn't need me at all to make you
happy, or complete.

I'm tired of not knowing.
This is supposed to be fun. Happy

This isn't going to end well, is it?

48.

I have never needed someone more
in my entire existence
then right in this
moment. Now.

47.

home, but it doesn't really feel like
home, but it doesn't really look like
home, but it doesn't really smell like
home, but it doesn't really taste like
home.

46.

Nothing gold can stay.

45.

I miss home.
I miss feeling comfortable.
I miss my dad.
And my recently deceased gold fish.
I miss my best friends.
I miss being able to cry.
I miss feeling human,
And I miss home.

I want home.

I miss. Quite a bit.

44.

It's interesting,
how this works. You know?

Because I thought
maybe
something would be different.

I feel like an idiot,
With a hollow, hollow chest.

43.

There is this thing.
It makes it hard, because I haven't gotten an update...
But every time my eyes are closed, I see your face.

And when I'm sitting on a couch, half asleep, I close my eyes
And I see your hand in mine, your shoulder to lean on.

When I lie in bed, and I close my eyes, I see you beside me,
caressing my body. It's just this thing.

Just one of those things.